White Hot Magik

All good things must come to an end they say.  So did my conference and my trip to Nashville.  Today I have been sharing my experiences with friends and family.  As I rested this afternoon I watched the GMA's Dove Awards ceremony, which was letting out the other night as we walked by.  We hung around as the attendees were leaving trying to soak up their uber talent.   Did I mention I saw Sandi Patty and was too starstruck to even speak to her?

As someone who has no early childhood education experience,  I was blown away by the things I learned.  Dr. Lilian Katz was the keynote speaker and hands down gave the best speech I have ever heard on any subject.  She reinforced the notion that playing with my children, speaking to them, encouraging whatever they are interested in is the best way to teach them, instead of worrying if they know their ABC's by sight at 4. 

Another class I really enjoyed was presented by Dr. Jo of Geo Fitness.  Talk about a fireball of a sixty year old.  I swear this lady could outmove me at half her age.  In fact thinking about how much I need to move to wear off the calories I consumed today at the oilfiled cookoff, is a bit daunting.  I better get moving on that four hour hike, because we brought leftovers home for dinner.

I also wanted to leave you a few more linkis.  I mentioned that Head Start funding was cut last year.  Did I mention by $10 million dollars?  If you want an easy link to write your politicians about it, please click here.    If you want to read more about what Head Start is doing for people around our country, please go read the stories here. 

In news from the home front, I have a bunch of cleaning to do, because I left the boys at home for a week without me.  My husband though is a smart cookie, though he did get on the roof and get the airconditioning going today so I can at least clean and be cool. ; ) 

I have decided to redact my application with any question I don't approve of, and try and talk to the person hiring and see how it goes.  At this point it is more for curiosity, if I was serious about the job, I probably wouldn't have posted the application on my blog.  Sounds like a good way to get dooced to me.

I cannot in good conscious ignore it, nor do I want to cause a big stink without allowing them an explanation.  I know two young women in their 20's working for this newspaper.  I hope they are not working in an environment that is detrimental to them, and I hope they don't see the ugly side of discrimination against them as women or mothers. (Neither are mothers yet.)

However my zeal for doing something about it, stems from past experiences.  I was forced out of a job for being pregnant.  For a long time I was very angry, depressed and beat myself up about it.  Five years later, I am more philosophical and only regret one thing.  That I didn't do something more to stop other people from being hurt by that employer.

It was my first job after college.  I was managing a large nursery in one of the mountain resort towns around here.  I had a lot of hope for the job, I was growing, selling and hoping to learn more about the practical side of landscape design.  I was eager worked 80+ hour weeks and only took one day off a week.  I lived on site and for the most part loved it.  A few months in I realized the man that I worked for was a little less than honorable, but in my idyllic head that could be worked around too because I really loved what I was doing.

Then the unexpected happened and I found out I was pregnant.  Everything changed.  My boss was scared and didn't want me to do many things at work.  Originally I thought it was genuine concern for my welfare. I even had my doctor speak to him and try and reassure him that all was okay. Then I realized it was due to concern for his bank account.  He was afraid I would sue him.  He also didn't think I would work so many extra hours on salary once I had a kid.  Which is true, I shouldn't have worked that much in the first place, I was just eager and enjoyed what I was doing.   What I had thought I was doing to get things set up and going, was expected for all time.

Toward my fourth month or so, when the pregnancy was very evident, it started getting really ugly.  Every few days he would strip me of some responsibility, yell at me in front of customers for something stupid, he even wrote me up for moving product on the shelves after he told me not to touch anything.  I cried at night to relieve the stress, but I was determined not to quit, even though in no uncertain terms he told me he wanted me gone. I wanted to hear him say you are fired for being pregnant.

Then I went to the doctor for a regular visit and I had lost 15 pounds.  I was shocked since I was growing out of clothes.  My doctor very pointedly asked if it was on purpose, when I said no, I spilled my guts about what was going on. She is an awesome doc and held my hand and helped me figure out what to do.   I called a the number on the Family Leave Act poster around the office and found out the business was too small for them to do anything and then found the appropriate state office.  I talked to the counselors and got all the paperwork and even filled it out.  The counselor told me they would mediate with him about the job.

My husband needed to spend the summer taking classes to finish his teachers certificate so he could be a full time teacher with benefits in the fall.  The school was three hours away.  We lived at the nursery, I felt the pressure to make a decision.  I lost more weight, but my tummy grew.  I got sent for a high definition ultrasound in Albuquerque to find out if everything was okay.  We found out the nephew my sister-in-law was pregnant with had a congenital diaphragmatic hernia and might not live. Suddenly my vision cleared and I decided to resign, move off the nursery property, get medicaid and have a healthy baby. 

Finding a job was harder than I thought, I applied for temporary positions, and didn't hide the pregnancy.  No one wanted to hire me pregnant either.  So I wore a long flowing dress, applied at Wal-mart and didn't say anything about my pregnancy and assumed no one would ask. I was hired and they assigned me a back belt thing, I gave it back with a note from my due date to the HR director.  She didn't say a word, but was obviously pissed. That day when I sat down at lunch and talked my usual girls, one of whom was the daughter of the HR lady, she literally turned her back on me and refused to speak to me.  They didn't like people who used the company and didn't plan on being there a while.  I needed a job and couldn't risk them telling me no based on my pregnancy.  I don't regret it one iota.

I went to work, missed my husband during the week.  Cried more than I care to recall and sang to that baby in my womb.  I feared he would be an angry kid, it had seemed like I was upset the whole pregnancy. An older lady I knew that still worked for him saw me at work and said He said you could come back after the baby, I nearly lost it. I am not sure how loud my voice got, but I recall telling her if I wasn't good enough to work for them now, I wasn't going to be later. By the look on her face, I had hurt her feelings, I guess her generation didn't see what all the fuss was about.

I never turned in the paperwork to the Department of Labor, I didn't want my job back.  Some of my family and friends thought I should sue him.  I didn't want the stress. I worried about getting a bad name in the nursery industry.  I relied on divine retribution for him.  I need not have worried about my reputation, his was so bad, other people were surprised I lasted a year working there.  Divine retribution has occured, mostly I feel sorry for him, he is such a miserable person, that is no way to live.

I hate that it is still going on.  Mrs Skrumshz is experiencing it right now.  For her sake, and all the others out there I feel a twinge when I see things like that application because we have rules about how people should behave.  Often times the cost of enforcing them can be very rough  on the victim and it isn't pursued.  So I should do something about it when I have nothing to lose.

Five years later, I have made my peace with it. I wish I had checked him out more thoroughly as an employer, but lesson learned. While I really hurt emotionally over it for a while, I am stronger now.  Turns out I lost weight during my second pregnancy about the same time, I think it had more to do with my body than the stress.  I don't regret doing what I thought needed to do for my child.  He was and still is more important to me that a job.

Luckily my fears about him being an angry child were unfounded. 

Yesterday I noticed an ad on the front page of our local newspaer. (Yes, they are rebels and advertise on the front page.)  It beckoned stay at home moms to become delivery drivers, it even mentioned you could take your kids with you.  Since I still don't have a sitter for the wee one, this sounded like a good idea to me.  Our paper only runs Tuesday - Friday in the afternoons and on Sunday morning. 

I dropped by today and the man doing the hiring wasn't in but one of the ladies gladly handed me an application.  Some of the questions I have never seen on a job application before and I have to wonder if they are even legal. 

In case you cannot read them well, here they are....

Single, Married, Divorced or Widowed?

Wife/Husband's Name?

Wife/Husband's Occupation?

How many children do you have?

Are they in school?

Height?

Weight?

Hair Color?

Eye Color?

Maybe I should throw in my bra size as a bonus. 

Addendum:  I am not sure what to do with this application.  What would you do.  (Remember getting the job isn't too important to me.)

Turn it in and say nothing. (The thought of that makes my stomach turn.)

Don't turn it in and don't say anything.

Call or write a letter and ask them to explain it.

Turn it in the Department of Labor. 

I got busted wearing my workout clothes all day.

I got busted with a muffin top after not wearing my slimming camisole.

I got busted with frizzy hair.

I got busted not wearing makeup.

I got busted letting my 3 year old wear whatever he wanted.

I got busted caring what some dude from high school thought of how I looked now.

Homemade Pizza.

I know some of us mostly order pizza because we don't feel like cooking and they bring it to us, but if you like pizza in particular the kind your local pizza shop makes, I have an easy recipe for you. It is easy to make, can be refrigerated or frozen for later use, and aside from rising time is a quick and easy dinner to make.  In fact I kind of prefer the dough when it has been in the refrigerator for a day or two it is extra yeasty and yummy. 

I bake mine in this large stoneware pan and also  in these little personal size pans that my boys love.  For sauce, I use a small can of tomato sauce spiced with garlic salt, Italian seasoning and a dash of oregano.  (Although sometimes I use the prepared spaghetti sauce such as Classico Four Cheese if I have some on hand.)  Toppings of course are your choice. 

I do think buying the small balls of fresh mozerella have the best flavor but I sometimes get the shredded mozzeralla too.  Here is the controversy in my family.  Anytime my husband actually pays attention in this process he tells me I do it wrong because I put the cheese on before the toppings and sprinkle a bit of cheese on top of the toppings. He swears this is incorrect, I swear he is and suggest he make it next time.  (But then again it is really just a game, he doesn't care, he just likes bothering me.)

2 cups warm water*

1 package of active dry yeast (regular or quick rise)

2 tablespoons sugar

2 tablespoons of olive oil

4 cups of flour.

In a large bowl mix the warm water, sugar and package of yeast together. *See the package of yeast for the best temperature of water, you don't want it scalding it will kill the yeast and your dough won't rise.  Let it sit or "proof" for about 10 minutes. Then add the olive oil.

Add the first three cups of flour and mix.  Add the fourth cup a little at a time until dough isn't sticky any more. (Flour your hands first.)  Knead dough for a while maybe five minutes. I just continue in the same bowl.  Once dough is elastic and not sticky.  Then transfer to a oiled bowl and cover with a dish towel and put in a warm place.  My mom likes the microwave (not on of course). 

Let rise for about an hour or until doubled in size.  This is the stage to refrigerate or freeze if you so choose. I sometimes make a double batch and freeze half for later.  I wrap in oiled saran wrap and then put in a baggie in the freezer.)  Divide dough into two pieces, take one piece of dough on a floured work surface and hand roll out dough. I have not mastered the flipping but with hand streching I get it right. I place in one of my stone pans ligthly greased with olive oil. (If your stone is well seasoned this step is not necessary.) Add toppings and bake for 12-15 minutes or until the crust is nice and brown at 450. 

You can also make the pizza in a regualar pizza pan, or a cast iron skillet or on a baking stone.  With the stone, the trick is to dust your pizza peel board with cornmeal underneath the dough, and the pizza will slide right off onto the stone.

While this may seem complicated, I swear it would take me less time to make a pizza than it did to type this up.   My kids also love pizza night and like to help me make the dough and make their own little pizzas. (My hope is one day they will make pizza for thier wives.)

I have been thinking about this topic for a while. Yesterday while reading the Parent Bloggers Network, I decided to participate in my first ever Blog Blast.  They are trying to find out the truth behind Motherhood in conjunction with the Discovery networks new docu-drama Deliver Me.

I hosted a baby shower for a one of my oldest and bestestest friends ever and I even put together a little book where everyone at the shower was supposed to give their best mommy advice to her.  My advice was super super lame, I think I said something about enjoying them because they grow fast.   Not that it isn't true, but really she could get that advice anywhere. 

When I thought about it the advice I would give a lot of things came to mind. Most of which I probably read before becoming a mom, but I have to learn everything the hard way, through experience.

Motherhood is tough, much harder than I ever knew. 

I try to thank my mom all the time and grandmothers all the time.  I use the mantra at least I don't have thirteen in reverence to my great grandmother all the time.

Motherhood makes you grow as a person. 

I swear God is trying to work on all of my issues through my kids, because apparently you need to be mature to guide them.  (Who knew?)

Motherhood is messy. 

It hasn't helped me to become the neat freak I someday hope to be, with spilled juice, dirty diapers and toys strewn about. You will care more about poop than you ever imagined.

Motherhood is lonely sometimes. 

You will probably feel like no one understands what you are going through or that you can't take one more second of it sometimes.  We all do, we all get it and seriously just reach out to me or whoever you need.  Okay? You are normal don't beat yourself up about it. 

Motherhood doesn't really have any hard and fast rules. 

What works for me doesn't always work for you.  What worked with kid #1, won't work with kid #2.  There will be times when you feel pressured to do something other moms around you at church, daycare or whatever are doing that doesn't work for  you.  It's okay.

Motherhood is hard to let go of. 

Meaning leaving your kids sometimes is the hardest thing you will do, even if it is with mom or hubby.  Do it.  Trust me, hubby will figure it out given enough opportunity.  If he is never on his own with them, he won't be able to take care of them. You need some time on your own on occasion.

However that wasn't the advice I really wished I had given either.  This is the thing that continually pops in my head.

Don't fail to have sex with your husband. 

Just in case you thought I meant with someone else. : 0

Doesn't exactly sound profound, progressive or even having to do with motherhood, does it?

I think what I am trying to say is in the midst of your body wildly changing, becoming a mother, your breasts being used for a purpose you may have never contemplated before.  Not to mention the vjayjay being out of whack.

However I dropped the ball on this one.  I think it profoundly affected the next few years.  (Now I bet at least one person who reads this will think, no he was the jerk.  He was, but the point is we lost a connection before he really got his jerkiness on.) Luckily we worked it out and yes intimacy played a big part in that.

I know what you might be thinking.  I need a shower... tell him that, trust me, he will pitch in more readily if he knows what to do.  My husband claims he cannot read my mind. Yeah I have noticed that honey.

I know what you might be thinking.  Eww my body is fat and flabby now I don't even want to go near it.... imagine you have Cindy Crawford's body or whomever you like, I bet he doesn't even care.

I know what you might be thinking.  I will scream if one more person wants to touch  me. Get a breather, make sure you are getting some baby free time (see letting go above.)

Most importantly  have fun and don't forget to spend some time with the hubby whether you get it on or not. Okay.  Really it is that important, our kids deserve to have healthy happy parents.

Just one last piece of girlfriend advice though... don't forget the birth control unless you want another one right away. It happens more often than you might think.

Staying home means a very limited budget anything I can do to buy less is great.  I love ideas that turn something I am keeping around the house into more uses. 

I have been making my own syrup this week. I really like those fancy coffee creamers but wanted to cut out corn syrup so I switched to half & half a while back.  So then I used a commercial coffe syrup because it was made with sugar, water and flavorings, not corn syrup, and I could add just a teaspoon of the syrup and was happy.

As it ran out I remembered how my mom always made her own pancake syrup with sugar water and maple flavoring.  So I heated up some water added some sugar and raspberry extract and almond extract.   Excellent addition to my coffee, and I didn't have to buy anything I didn't already have in my cabinet.

Here is the basic recipe folks....

2 cups sugar

1 cup boiling water

1/4 tsp of flavoring of choice.

 Next time I may try orange.. butter pecan... amaretto... the possibilites are endless.